Yes, I have many a time had to clench my arse cheeks together in order to make a conversation with a stranger or professional stay on the same level of intellect.

To this day I don't recall ever passing one to cause embarrassment, however, a few weeks ago, Lee and I were at Dollis Hill Station in Willesden, London because I was taking Lee to watch Arsenal vs West Ham at the Emirates Stadium. I had a big pump built up so as I walked up to him, I turned around to let one go towards him but and as I farted I clocked eyes on a shocked train conductor. That was possibly the most distressed I had ever felt in my life. Lee was shocked too but we laughed about it to dampen the blow of mental discomfort.

Also a few years ago, I was on the phone to a young chap about finding university accommodation along with my 5 friends. My parting line was: 

"Ok, thank you, bye, BELCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH" 

I have never hung up on a call so fast. Two of my friends looked at me with such bewilderment. I never even felt that one coming! It was a surprise to us all.

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